Friday, December 19, 2014

A New Beginning

It's time to make a change.

When I look in the mirror, I am absolutely disgusted.  With my body, with my mind, with my spirit, with myself.  I am so unhappy, it makes me ill.

I used to be different.  I used to be healthy and have friends and go places and do things.  Now? Notsomuch. 

I am a hermit.  I'm always home.  I don't get up and dress up anymore.  I used to never go anywhere without makeup on and now I barely brush my hair.  I live my life dreading seeing anyone I know because I don't want them to see how far I've fallen down the rabbit hole.

So I'm ready to make a change.  I want to be healthy again. I want to exercise. I want to have friends again. I want to go to church again.  I don't want to be embarrassed to be seen.  I don't have an entire plan together yet, but that is my New Year's Resolution..  To take my non-existent, pathetic life and turn it into something I'm proud of.

These are the things I want to work on:  Health/Fitness, Emotional Health, Social Life and Spiritual Life.  Like I said, I haven't exactly figured out how I am going to work on these things yet but that's OK.  I think just identifying what I want to work on is a big step.  I plan to make a list of goals sometime in the next few days to get started, and I plan to use this to document my journey.  I want something to be accountable to and also something I can use to look back on and track my progress.  I also want a place to let out my dorky thoughts and crazy rantings!

So welcome to my journey.  I'm starting at rock bottom and so looking forward to the climb back up.